Thursday, February 09, 2006


You thought I was joking

By popular request, here is my post in which I make educated (or otherwise) guesses about people's ages. Please note that I haven't made much of an effort with this, apart from clicking desultorily on the odd archive, so don't blame me if the results are inaccurate.

From the top (of my link list):

Noreen: 33 (she said so)

Ball Bag: no real idea, but probably in his 30s given how his posts sound like those of a rugger-bugger past his glory days.

Doc Maroon: difficult, this one. He provides such conflicting information it's easy to get lost. Given that he's a qualified engineer in a responsible position I'd put him at mid-30s at least. Let's say 38 to be on the safe side.

El Barbudo: really tough. He's careful to hide his real self from us to such a degree that he's alone in that I have absolutely no idea what he even does for a living. Probably something gaye like journalism or IT or something. I do know that he likes Secret Seven novels, doesn't vote Conservative and has a fetish about women's snot. I'll make a stab in the dark at 35 but I could be out 15 years either way.

Brewski: a responsible job as a teacher in the Far East, so past 30. Let's say 33.

Arlington Hynes: I've no idea if this being is animal, vegetable or mineral, so I'll take a pass.

Gorilla Bananas: I seem to remember that Guy the Gorilla in London Zoo lived till he was about 100, and I'll place five to one odds that GB is older than that since he's infinitely wiser than Guy ever was. One hundred and four (gorilla years, that is, which don't count).

Binty McShae: like Brewski, has a stable job abroad so is probably older than a student. Too intelligent to be under 25, so I'll take a shot at 28.

Harry Hutton: I seem to remember that he mentioned his age once and it was about 32. Can't be arsed to look it up. Plus, he never comments on any of our sites, so fuck him.

Dr E. Scientist: I'm sure he's revealed his age in an earlier post and I've seen a photo of him somewhere on his blog. He's always going on about hair loss so he must be male at the very least. Forty.

Jokemail: like El Barbudo, an enigma. His jokes are so childish I'd put him at about nine. But I love them, and I'm 35, so that doesn't really work. As he can string a few accurately-punctuated sentences together I assume he was educated before the 1970s and so I'll guess his age at 57.

LindyK: an open goal, this one. Born in 1982, therefore impossibly young.

Andraste: forty, because she said so; and she sounds totally hot. (I'd have linked this reference but FatMammyCat doesn't seem to stretch to permalinks on her blog.)

The Anti-Barney: I would have said late 20s - he has the kind of late-adolescent rage I remember when I was that age - but he revealed yesterday on Kim's site that he has three daughters in their 20s, so he must be at least 35 (assuming the eldest is 22 and he first produced viable semen at 13).

Hungbunny: the piss-easiest one of all, born as he was on 17 January 1970.

SafeTinspector: he was created 33 years ago, though I don't know at what point exactly a robot is 'born'.

Sarah: she revealed yesterday that she was born in 1977 which makes her 28 or 29, I forget which. I'd have guessed younger, which she can take as a compliment or an insult.

Eggagog: I really have nothing to say here and I'm thinking of de-linking it.

Philip Challinor: yet another enigmatic fucker. Too clever to be young - too clever by half, sometimes, though he sticks an erudite skewer up the collective Emerald Bile arse from time to time which is always good for a laugh - and a dangerous leftist, he's probably about 30.

Getting there...

FatMammyCat: a total liar who's not fat, not a mother and not a cat, she recently talked about 'her twenties' on her site, which makes me think she's around 34.

Kim Ayres: his profile says he's 39 and he's too much of a nice guy to be a liar.

And the winner is....

Joke Mail!

You decrepit old fart, you randy old dog, you. I bet you're just hanging around on these blogs to try and pick up some young flesh.

I can't wait to see if your guesses were correct on those you didn't know for sure.

What did Jokemail win?

I am going to go look up your coined terms for bloggers. Those were priceless.
you fucking piss ant.
It's nice that you think I'm intelligent... but I'm not telling you if you are right, or if not how far off the mark you are, or in which direction!

I personally find it interesting that we routinely argue with / flirt with / swear at people who are potentially not just old-enough-to-be-our-grandparent or young-enough-to-be-our-grandchild but who could even possibly actually BE said grand-relation!

Scary shit, eh!?
I may or may not be a "dangerous leftist", but I'm certainly not naive enough to believe that Noreen is above lying about her age.
Jupiter's girl: he wins a year's supply of Viagra and a blow-up doll to practise on.

Sarah: you took it as a compliment, then. Thanks for the comment; it's going up in the Positive Feedback section.

Binty: you flirt with your grandparents? Get help, man.

Philip: well, you're on the FBI's Most Wanted website so I'd have thought it was pretty much established. And I think her age is one of the few things Noreen doesn't lie about.
Your powers of deduction are amazing, I am indeed aged between 9 and 57. But, my mother was an English teacher, which might not help you much.

Actually I'm technically 39, will turn 40 in March. I just call myself the next age up, because it shows how cool I am about aging.

Hot? Maybe to some. Truth be told, when I look in a mirror I think I'm actually "merely-just-attractive in-a-general-way-for-my-age."

But thanks!
I notice that you basically have most people down as about 5 years either side of our own age. I think we probably just always imagine everyone else we get along with to be a bit like us, and in the absence of anything else to go one, will assume they're about our age.

It's no surprise to find that I'd figured that everyone was probably aged between 34 and 45.
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Actually, I'm 93. I dictate to one of my computator savvy goons, who then intputs my thoughts onto the cryptonumerical switch platter and manipultats the "pont and clit" marmoset thingy.

Things were different in my day. If you wanted to blog when I was a young man, you'd go down to the end of the garden and do your business in a small shack made for that purpose; your neighbors' garden shed.

Sometimes I get nostalgic and relive that potion of my childhood, but of late my neighbors have put locks on.

Now I'm trying to remember where I put my age.... probably many places. I'm not a very private individual.
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"An open goal" Footsie? Whatever you're implying there... is impossibly young a good thing?! After all, I can still compete, for a youngun...
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Close, but no cigar. I'm the same as the venerable Noreen.
I am 36, but of course my blog is such immature pap anything younger is understandable.
Oh, gosh. Now I realize it was Dr. E that requested the...
Oh, I feel like quite the heel. I'll delete the thingie...
JM, Andraste, FMC, Brewski: I was bloody close, wasn't I?

Kim: astute point. I think you're right.

SafeT, Dr Evil: I'm more convinced than ever that one of you created the other. You both have that outlook on the world which is completely nonsensical yet strangely logical, rather as if you're viewing the universe through spectacles which flip it 90 degrees.

Lindy: that 'open goal' link was supposed to lead you to my Words of Wisdom post, in which you revealed your year of birth, nothing more sinister or lecherous than that.
Well that's less exciting than I thought...
You've made several comments now to the effect that you're pretty sure that thre are some people who are running more than one blog - and in SafeTi's case that came to light as an abysmal failure. How about a posting where you pair everyone off. It's certainly crossed my mind before now that bloggers like Noreen must have another ID for when they want to actually say something sensible and valid without showing themselves as out of character. Chances are that there's probably a bit of cross-dressing going on in cyberspace too - where people aren't giving away their true identities they can pretend to be anyone.

Time to stick on the detective's hat once again Foot Eater!
Kim, I have in fact wondered if any of the people in the Blunt Cogs circle are responsible for more than one site; the style in some of the posts and comments is suspiciously similar. Thanks for the provocative suggestion - will get on to it.
Footsie, I think you are way out on ages - as Kim said you put everyone within a few years of your own age either way - I think the age range is far wider, maybe from 20 up to about 60 - I hope so as the more mature male is sooo much sexier! And what makes you think people are actually being truthful when they state an age?
I take great exception to being accused of lying, Philip Challinor and Foot Eater, you vicious old queens. I am thirty three, and I only post on blogs as myself. Why would I want to post sensible or valid stuff? I am not at all sensible or valid. being sensible and valid is immensely gay.
Fair comment, Noreen. Though you undercut your claim not to be a liar somewhat by calling me a 'vicious old queen', as I'm neither old nor a gayer. Can't speak for Philip, mind.
That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »
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