Monday, February 06, 2006


Whatever happened to Friday night?

This is what happened on Friday 3 February.

22h45: got in from rehearsal with the CunTS.

22h49: bottle of Pinotage already open so had two glasses with the better half (let's call her Vampirella).

23h25: opened second bottle of red and watched some shite on telly.


This is what happened on Saturday 4 February.

08h51: woke up; had porridge from that box with the picture of the gay-looking Scotsman on it, plus four Anadin Extra and a litre of coffee. Felt like dead shit.

11h15: set off in car to Heathrow. Asked Vampirella how much we had to drink last night. Received unlikely answer "a bottle and a half." Snorted disdainfully. Felt vaguely queasy.

12h35: stood in queue for BA desk. Felt a bit light-headed.

13h01: got to desk. Vampirella went through passport control on way to five-day conference in Sweden. Waved goodbye, blew kisses etc. Felt lonely.

13h11: bought pint of coffee from Costa Coffee in Terminal Four. Proper man's coffee, filter and without sugar, none of your gaye cappuccino or latte or whatever the fuck. Felt sick and sprinted to loo. Stomach okay but explosive bowel movement. Felt better, relaxed and confident.

14h27: got back to home town. Dropped off books at library. Bought pullover at Burton's (fawn colour, wool and cashmere mix - beautiful, warm and snug). Went to Sainsbury's for bread, milk and baked beans. Felt chipper.

14h41: reeled in Sainsbury's near the canned vegetables, overcome by nausea. Sweated. Lady cringed away like I was an alky. Considered visit to bogs but decided against it. Felt as though Death had nudged me with the tip of his scythe.

14h56: got home. Checked emails. Visited blogs. Two comments from me on Blunt Cogs site. Felt scared.

I don't remember posting either of them.

16h00: watched a DVD, the remake of Dawn Of The Dead. Ace, the canine's bollocks. Still felt scared.

21h27: met my friend Chris and his girlfriend Rachel in the pub. Couple of pints of London Pride. Told him about the blog comment unawareness business. He laughed and said I was a silly cunt and not to worry. Felt mollified but distantly uneasy.

I've been rat-arsed before once or twice, and I've emailed, blogged and commented drunk, but this is the first time I've posted perfectly spelled and punctuated missives and had no recollection afterwards of doing so. I'm fairly certain I'm not an alcoholic - I rarely drink on weekdays and have never experienced withdrawal symptoms of a Sunday morning - so I'm a bit confused about this. It seems to me that I've experienced a blackout. Should I be worried?

Either that or Vampirella knows your password and is periodicaly posting under your name...
If I'd just waved a bird that looked like that off for five days, I'd feel queasy and more.
Typical. I post a heartfelt cry for help and all you buggers focus on is the tits.

As it happens, Kim, she doesn't have my password. She has a vague idea that I maintain a blog, but unlike us she has a life and wouldn't dream of spending it sat at a keyboard. That said, I'm thinking of working contributions to this blog community into the prenuptial contract. Watch this space.

Doc Maroon, the hair colour is all wrong and she doesn't wear outfits like that, nor does she direct lizard-like creatures (though she is left-handed), but in every other respect that's a striking likeness and yes, I felt queasy about sending her off into the wilds of Scandinavia. Worst-case scenario, she meets some blonde Viking who's hung like a mule, in which case I might have to call upon your expertise to create a post of such stupefying witty brilliance that once she's read it, she'll be mine forever.
This is quite irrelevant, but I must apologise for unlinking you over at my place. I assure you it wasn't intentional; I think I must have replaced my template with an outmoded backup during Blogger's recent canniptions. In any case, you are now duly reinstated, and welcome any time.
Yes, but what about the lost hours on Friday night?
Look Footie, sometimes shit like that just happens, maybe you didn't eat a lot that day, maybe you took a pinkller, maybe you had a tough week and your mind just shut down for a while in its most relaxed state. Either way you got-what my brother calls- a bit of a slap.
Don't over analyze it. You'll be fine.
Look foot, your first real blackout can be a frightening thing. Mine was. But it do not necessarily mean anything more than you not as young as you use to be. You don't sound like an alcoholic, but the big warning signs there am "Do you drink in the morning? Do you drink before work? Do you often drink alone? Do you regularly drink more than 4 days a week?"

Like FMC said, it could have been lots of stuff that contributed to it and definitely was more than just the alcohol. Me don't think this is a problem, unless it keeps happening. Me have seen this happen to lots of people in me time and most of time its just the once and never happens again.

On the plus side, just be glad all you did and lost was few comments on blogs. Blackouts am strange things. Me had one in college and what me remember as 3 minutes of drunken sex with a strange girl (mostly trying to get condom on) turned out to be something different. Me flatmates heard through friends of friends and informed me that me had LONG night of drunken sex with 2 girls. Evidently we go though entire box of condoms and me MISSED IT ALL!!!

DAMN YOU ALCOHOL!!! You the giver of nights of passion and mornings of awkward silences with no eye contact.
Ya know, now that me think of it... it could be all the decapitations.
Footie.. you freakin' fish!

:o) i remember the first time i blacked out.. was the last time i got drunk! 2 years ago!

sorry you miss your Vampirella. but just think of how happy you will be to see her again! weee!

take care man.
"Worst-case scenario, she meets some blonde Viking who's hung like a mule, in which case I might have to call upon your expertise to create a post of such stupefying witty brilliance that once she's read it, she'll be mine forever."

Footsie, for a fellow of your talents, I'm sure you could figure something out... besides, what girl wouldn't be stoked to have a nickname like Vampirella?? I know I would be... but only if it came with that hot little red body floss...
You're fine. Nothing to fuss about, happens all the time.

Now suck it up and chug that bottle of tequila.
Thanks, everyone. I feel much happier about drinking to excess now I know there's nothing to worry about.
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