Saturday, January 06, 2007


Suspicious mind

'Gee, Jackie, I'm sure glad I got rid of that headache...'

To mark the 500th (-ish) month since the assassination of President John F Kennedy I thought I’d share with you some of the work I’ve been doing for the US government looking into just who did do the dirty deed. Strictly speaking this is classified stuff, but I’m satisfied that I’m anonymous enough on this blog that my employers won’t be able to work out who Foot Eater is. Also, if any of you snitch on me, I’ll deny everything and release the dossier I have on you (yes, you too, hiding there so pretty and sweetly loitering, to misparaphrase Keats).

Anyway: I reckon the man who did it was someone I’ve had my suspicions about for years. E. A. Presley was a drifter who had just got out of the US Army in 1960 and had embarked upon a critically disastrous acting career following a string of reasonably successful popular musical records. By all accounts Presley was a nasty piece of work. He was contemptuous of racial harmony and Kennedy’s liberalism must have stuck in his craw. He was under the mentorship of the shadowy ‘Colonel Parker’, a man whose title suggests sinister military links. Not one of the official reports on the assassination has queried, nor even mentioned, Presley’s whereabouts on November 22nd, 1963, which is telling in itself; and if they had, they would have come up against a wall of silence.

Nobody I have spoken to knows where E. A. Presley was that day.

Add to this the backwardly-masked refrain grassy knoll on Presley’s 1974 single Raised On Rock, and his suspicious ‘death’ in 1977, the circumstances of which continue to be disputed, and I think you’ll agree the case is, if not watertight in a strictly legal sense, rather compelling.

But if it wasn’t him then it was the KGB, the CIA or the Mafia.

You'll wind up in the ghetto with that kind of thinking.
Backwardly masked =, as far as I can make out, deksam. Is this some sort of Russian Dolby, or what is it?
It's a damn shame that Foot Eater chucked it in after a year, he wouldha loved these posts.
Damn shame.
Elvis couldn't even shoot out his arse without killing himself never mind hit the massive head of a Kennedy, anyway, would he have not have used a tank?

I shot JFK, and they learned their lesson, catholic president indeed.
Well, I'm glad to see that you kept the ol' blog alive after you heard that I'd be recovering after all.

Elvis, JFK, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Tupac Shakur. Dead people that should shut the fuck up.

I was waiting in my doctor's office the other day, like you do, and I happened to see a JFK quote up on the wall: "We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."

So, Mr. President, how'd that work out for you?

Yeah, I'm rather crotchety at the moment; why do you ask?
I think you'll find it was JG Presley who supposedly died at childbirth, but lived under his twins enormous shadow, attempting to frame him in all sortsa crimes. Kinda like spy vs spy.
Wasn't it Neil Armstrong who shot JFK in a rage after discovering that he hadn't landed on the moon at all but had just been put on a Disney ride and taken to an almost flawlessly constructed - apart from the breeze - moon set in lot 13 of Studio City, LA, CA?

A number of witnesses will testify to seeing a peevishly muttering astronaut behind the grassy knoll that day. There was quite a crowd back there what with the mafia reps and comm-symps and astronauts and Marilyn Monroe. And oddly Lord Lucan although he hadn't even done anything wrong yet.
Sam, that (scarily enough) is by far the most rational explanation I have ever heard regarding the whole matter. You are a fucking genius.
Presley was just a pawn in it all. The King, pschaw. No chance.
I think you'll find it was a Candid Camera stunt gone wrong.
Oddly enough I was standing on the spot where Kennedy was assasinated today.
(I'm stuck in Dallas)
Judging from the fact that there is a large, white, painted X directly on the spot, I'm pretty sure I've solved the entire thing. Presley may still have been involved...
Sam, Armstrong would surely have not killed Kennedy as his disappointment at not really landing on the moon would have been overcome through his new found ability to time-travel back 6 years.
I totally question one of your assumptions, dude. Colonel Parker was as much of a colonel as the other dude dressed like a Southern gentleman -- Sanders. No links to the military there, unless you count regiments of slaughtered, fried chicken as an army.

Back to the drawing board, Foots. I knew you gov't-appointed types can't get your damn basic facts in order. More sand in the eyes of an unsuspecting population, that's what your post is. The Warren Commission rediviva.
Binty, time means nothing to me, dude.
Binty, time means nothing to me, dude.

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Sam, I heard you the first time... ;)
I wonder what phentermine does.
Perhaps its for verrucas or something.
I do think Sam has the whole synapse. The conspiracy is over. BTW,google the name Cyril Wecht. He and his son Dr.Wecht were my clients. He did the investigation for the independents on the Warren Commission findings. He blew holes in the magic bullet theory. Not long after, he was indicted, I think 71 indictments and stepped down from his post as M.E. Now, that is a very interesting story.seriously.
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