Saturday, January 06, 2007
'Gee, Jackie, I'm sure glad I got rid of that headache...'
To mark the 500th (-ish) month since the assassination of President John F Kennedy I thought I’d share with you some of the work I’ve been doing for the US government looking into just who did do the dirty deed. Strictly speaking this is classified stuff, but I’m satisfied that I’m anonymous enough on this blog that my employers won’t be able to work out who Foot Eater is. Also, if any of you snitch on me, I’ll deny everything and release the dossier I have on you (yes, you too, hiding there so pretty and sweetly loitering, to misparaphrase Keats).
Anyway: I reckon the man who did it was someone I’ve had my suspicions about for years. E. A. Presley was a drifter who had just got out of the US Army in 1960 and had embarked upon a critically disastrous acting career following a string of reasonably successful popular musical records. By all accounts Presley was a nasty piece of work. He was contemptuous of racial harmony and Kennedy’s liberalism must have stuck in his craw. He was under the mentorship of the shadowy ‘Colonel Parker’, a man whose title suggests sinister military links. Not one of the official reports on the assassination has queried, nor even mentioned, Presley’s whereabouts on November 22nd, 1963, which is telling in itself; and if they had, they would have come up against a wall of silence.
Nobody I have spoken to knows where E. A. Presley was that day.
Add to this the backwardly-masked refrain grassy knoll on Presley’s 1974 single Raised On Rock, and his suspicious ‘death’ in 1977, the circumstances of which continue to be disputed, and I think you’ll agree the case is, if not watertight in a strictly legal sense, rather compelling.
But if it wasn’t him then it was the KGB, the CIA or the Mafia.
I shot JFK, and they learned their lesson, catholic president indeed.
NO POPE HERE!
Elvis, JFK, Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Tupac Shakur. Dead people that should shut the fuck up.
I was waiting in my doctor's office the other day, like you do, and I happened to see a JFK quote up on the wall: "We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."
So, Mr. President, how'd that work out for you?
Yeah, I'm rather crotchety at the moment; why do you ask?
A number of witnesses will testify to seeing a peevishly muttering astronaut behind the grassy knoll that day. There was quite a crowd back there what with the mafia reps and comm-symps and astronauts and Marilyn Monroe. And oddly Lord Lucan although he hadn't even done anything wrong yet.
(I'm stuck in Dallas)
Judging from the fact that there is a large, white, painted X directly on the spot, I'm pretty sure I've solved the entire thing. Presley may still have been involved...
Back to the drawing board, Foots. I knew you gov't-appointed types can't get your damn basic facts in order. More sand in the eyes of an unsuspecting population, that's what your post is. The Warren Commission rediviva.
Nice site, keep up the good work .
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