Saturday, December 23, 2006

 

Oh, go on then, bloody hell

Many years ago my uncle Pete decided to start up an apiary. Ignoring the disparaging remarks from his friends and family that he’d never find enough chimpanzees and gorillas to fill it, he did some research and before long had built up quite a collection of bees. There were big ones and small ones and some medium ones as well. I always felt he’d rather missed the point of the whole enterprise, though, as his apiary consisted of a corkboard glued on the wall of his garden shed with dead bees Sellotaped to it.

Except that’s not entirely true, as he didn’t have a garden shed, nor did he collect bees. As a matter of fact I never had an Uncle Pete either. I relate this story to illustrate the life lesson that fiction is quite often duller than the truth, especially when it’s my fiction, not that I tell the truth often enough to provide a basis for comparison. So when you tell lies, do so flamboyantly.

Oh, and bees - sting - Stingray - car - Chrysler - Chrysler building - Art Deco, in case you were wondering.

See, I told you this would be a killer post. If you’re not dead of boredom then my credibility at least is shot through the heart.


Now I really am off.

Comments:
I wanted to comment on this ages ago, but I had to go and peel the contact lenses off my eyeballs and take a nap first.

Now I'm in and YES! I have an uncle with similar, and similarly badly executed ideas. You've given me an inspiration - Uncle Lawrence and the Northern Maine hunting trip for beer!

Bless you, Footie! Happy holidays!
 
Wishing you all the best this festive season, Foot Eater!
 
Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year, Footie.
 
Aha!

The art deco bee thing sure was worth the wait!
 
Love ya Foots. Have a lovely time this Christmas, won't you. Don't bugger off altogether, eh?

Wishing you a pile of delectable gourmet toes flambeed in a little brandy with a suspiciously red coulis.
Merry, merry Christmas, darling.
 
Happy Chistmans phalange ingetsor/
 
An apiary?! Sounds like my office... and I have a new nickname for it! Thanks, Footsie!!

Merry Christmas, and a very happy new year to you!
 
Why can't people just tell the truth? all the lies make me so upset. I finally got the body you sent me, a ginger? are you taking the piss? well the laugh is on you my friend as I shaved him and it did just as well, ha!

have a good one and box some ears.
 
I'm going to vomit if you all keep commenting. Just got back from an awesome Christmas in one of Mittel Europe's capitals and I'm punch-drunk, quite literally.

Nice to see Lindy back, though I rather did hope you'd become a corpse, L, and were ready for some smooth lovin'.


Merry seasonal greetings to you all.
 
I'm ready for some smooth lovin, I'll even lie still.




Did ya boak yet?
 
Wow. Nice degrees of separation.
 
Eh? Where's me comment? Fuck it.
 
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That's a whole shitload of drugs.
 
hahaha I'd love to have a Stingray. A '63 at that.
 
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