Wednesday, December 13, 2006


What I did on my holiday

Last weekend I was on a mini-break at an unspecified Atlantic island resort when the manager of the hotel came up to me. 'Mr Eater,' he said, 'I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stop urinating in the swimming pool.'

I haven't felt such outrage since I was six years old and wanted to join the Scouts but my parents sent me to that Satanic cult instead.

'What are you on about?' I asked. 'Everyone urinates in the swimming pool.'

'Yes, but from the diving board?'

It's people like you, Foots, you so-called "pool-pee-ers", who are causing things like SARS and avian flu and diabetes and autism. And Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease! You're causing that too! Or was that the sheep peeing on the cows? I forget.

Anyway, don't the chemicals in the water cause a yellowish bloom to hover around the pee-er? That's how you tell according to my mother when I was 6 although I could never figure out why they'd use a yellow reagent to react with an essentially yellow liquid. Red would be much more effective. I thin Jaws 2 or 3 was released around then.
That's an image that I'm going to have to work very hard to erase from my mind.

For the sake of all things sanitary, you should let us know the name of the resort.
Funny, I use the pee-in-the-pool metaphor to explain corporate irresponsibility and environmental damage.
But here, you embody it... so well!
Now you're taking the piss
Swanky posh shites, as if they haven't pissed the the bath before.
Sam, I was under the impression that urine was actually sterile and would therefore not be responsible for passing on bird flu and the like... Not that I am advocating Footsies actions.
Sam: what Binty says later.

Sassy: at least it was just peeing. When I was in Barbados I... well, another time, perhaps.

SafeT: for some reason your comment reminds me of the sign I heard of in a pub toilet: Please don't drop your cigarette butts in our urinals, we don't piss in your ashtrays.

Jokemail: no need to get pissy.

Mr Knudsen: now that's rather disgusting. In the pool you can atleast swim away from your waste.

Binty: quite right; in the bladder it's sterile. But a lot depends on the cleanliness of the organ through which it has to pass. I imagine most people on my link list have got VD, so I wouldn't go near any swimming pool they've been in if I were you.

Sorry, most of the men, that is.
Fish, my favorite was printed upon the urinal cake cover at a bar near my home:

"Wear a condom, your life is in your hands."
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