Wednesday, January 18, 2006

 

Blogosaurus Rex

Along with the cutting edge phenomenon of blogging comes a whole new vocabulary to master. Helpfully, I herewith provide a partial glossary of neoblogisms (nee-OB-luh-jisms).


Acommencholy: the state of mild depression experienced when repeated checks of your site reveal no new comments on your latest post, or (worse) no comments at all.

Fucklestop: the embarrassing experience of bringing a string of comments to a complete halt with what you thought was a killer remark, but which now reads as totally uninspired.

Boorseep: the increasing tendency to use profanity in everyday speech as a result of exposure to it on blogs (as in: “May I help you across the cunting street, madam?”).

Wanklescurry: the desperate searching of linked sites for mentions of your own site or name.

Boozer’s Dread: the morning-after unease upon reading the previous night’s drunken blog comments in which you proposed sexual intercourse with another blogger, or threatened them with violence, or both.

Profanidredge: a time-wasting post which tries to make up for its utter lack of original ideas with an excess of obscene language.

Cacklefelch: to grasp at straws in order to come up with an idea for a comment on someone’s post when you should really not bother making any comment at all.

Babblewrath: the inchoate rage that grips you when every other blog’s posts that day are far better than yours.

Voidhowl: the desolate sense of existential meaninglessness that descends at the end of an evening’s pointless, futile blogging.



Comments:
Footie, so that you are not wracked with torment over the emptiness I shall respond, but only to tell you that perhaps you are reading to much into the whole thing.Sometimes people just read and say' hum, very funny/provocative/trite' and leave it at that, no comment.
I'm off to kickboxing where I plan to kick the living shit out of my Dutch sparring partner. Have a lovely evening.
 
So how many times have you checked your Blunt Cog comic strip to see if anyone's commented on it yet?
 
I wish I'd thought this up.

I have "Boorseep", you get it if you work in manufacturing.
 
FMC: aha! The joke's on you! You're reading too much into my reading too much into it, etc., etc.

El B: Just once, and if I go there again and there's still only one comment I'll complain.

Doc Maroon: why manufacturing, particularly? I've always thought the industry to be a highly refined one.
 
BALDYBALLITIS;

A condition you get from scratching
your brains while deciding what to post.
 
Well, I recognise myself in each one of those damn descriptions.... I'll get my coat.
 
Every damn one.
 
Wanklescurry - what I'm doing here right now.

Oh, the shame.
 
Lee, I see you're from Chipping Norton. You're not Brewski, are you?
 
Nah, I'm a completely different fucker.
 
How did you end up here then? This little community is a fleck of dried shit on the arse of the internet. Welcome, anyway, and let us know when you start a blog of your own.
 
Thankyou.

I do occasionally like to tickle the internet's prostate, so it's no wonder that, sometimes, shit gets under my finger nails.

Your am-dram post, presumably about the Norts, showed up an a Google search for Chipping Norton. That's how little internet press Chippy gets.

As for a blog of my own, here's one I made earlier.
 
Except I fucked the link right up.

Here it is again.
 
Never been to Chipping Norton myself, it just fit the contrived acronym. Norts intrigues me, though. Weren't they Rogue Trooper's enemies in 2000 AD?
 
The Norts are Chipping Norton's amateur dramatics society, who have been going for nigh on 90 years, have a similar demographic to the CUNTS, and also perform in a freezing cold, Victorian town hall, with sound and lighting board at the back of the hall.

The similarities are uncanny.

Their productions would not be greatly altered if the performers were replaced by a helmet, backpack and gun.
 
That's a great story. Waiting for more. » »
 
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