The Fishwhacker Swindle?: Back on the chain gang

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Back on the chain gang

I went back to work today and was bitch-slapped by reality so hard that a couple of teeth fell out. Fifteen bodies? What the fuck were people doing over the festive season? Three of them had been in the same car crash – what possessed them to take to the roads at this time of year? They might have been drunk, of course, which would count in mitigation.

One of the poor buggers was a tramp who’d been dredged out of a pond after a couple of days. His head was like an enormous soft white pumpkin. I’ve seen worse, but it was a fucking nightmare getting arterial access as his throat was so swollen, and once I got the needle in I had to massage the tissue to circulate the embalming fluid, which wasn’t easy or much fun as his skin was so doughy and friable it kept slipping off in sheets. Plus, I was badly hungover, and the fumes made me sick. I need to reconsider this work, I really do.

# posted by Foot Eater @ 4:19 am

Comments:

It's sad the kind of jobs humans have to do. Have you never thought of saving a lot of money and investing it so you don't have to work any more?

Has anyone been keeping count of how many bloggers started off as commentators on Chase Me Ladies? Harry ought to be proud of all his surrogate children, but he never shows it, the swine.

# posted by

Gorilla Bananas : 8:58 am

GB, you're a pretty observant simian, aren't you? Yes, of course I started with Harry's site. A supplementary question is where people reached Chase Me Ladies from. And you're right, he's an ingrate, though I suspect he's embarrassed by all the adulation.

# posted by

Foot Eater : 9:44 am

That's odd, I was thinking that too. About Hutton I mean.

Tip: One part formalin three parts Pepsi Max. Every morning, rain or shine, no more smelly tramp corpse misery.

# posted by

Dr Maroon : 8:35 pm

Miltons your only man.Milton for the carcass,Blue Vodka for you.

# posted by

the anti-barney : 1:27 am

Hutton has posted comments on Arlington's bogol, if I remember rightly.

Thanks for the tips, Doc and Anti. That formalin and Pepsi Max mixture tastes like shit but it took my attention off the smell, and reading extracts from Paradise Lost to the cadavers really made me feel better.

# posted by

Foot Eater : 3:11 am

hairy encoreged me a lot erly on. after my frist an secend psosts he tol me hed link me if i wroate somthig inteligible.

hes a big ol sweety is waht he is.

# posted by

HA HA HA : 4:06 am

Well, I suppose he encourages me, though he doesn't know it. What I mean is I shamelessly rip off his ideas.

# posted by

Foot Eater : 8:11 am