The Fishwhacker Swindle?

Oliver turned his head away and squeezed his mouth and eyes tight shut. Mummy sighed and put down the fork.
“Darling, you have to try a little.”
“Don’t like greens,” Oliver said crossly. He hated them, actually.
Mummy moved her chair closer and put her hand against his cheek. “Darling, do you know what happens to little boys and girls who don’t eat their greens?”
“Nothing.”
“No, darling. Not nothing. Something bad.”
Oliver smiled at Mummy suddenly. “Nothing bad can happen to me, Mummy. I’m going to heaven.”
“But how do you know you’re going to heaven, love?”
“Because I’m not going to hell, because I’m not a homosexualist.”
When he had stopped crying and had washed the taste of soap away with some orange squash, Mummy said, “There’s something worse than going to hell, dear. Much worse.”
Oliver couldn’t believe his ears. “Even worse than hell?”
Mummy smiled gently. “Yes, love. The Neckrofyle will get you.”
“The Neckferyle? What’s that?”
“He’s a nasty man who finds little boys and girls and also grownups who haven’t eaten their greens, after they die but before they go to heaven, and he does horrid things to them.”
Oliver frowned. “What does he look like?”
“He’s tall and thin, with long thin fingers and a long tongue -”
“As long as Mummy’s Secret Friend’s tongue?” chuckled Oliver. Mummy blushed prettily. Her Secret Friend was so secret that Oliver wasn’t allowed to tell even Daddy about him.
“Longer, darling. And no eyes, either. He sees you by feeling you.”
Oliver was bored with the rubbish Mummy was saying and began to throw his peas at the cat. He forgot all about the silly Neckrofyle.

Oliver didn’t eat any fresh fruit either and six months later, as a result of his severe vitamin C deficiency, he developed scurvy. In the hospital the nurses tried to push forkfuls of creamed spinach past his bleeding gums but he spat it out. As he felt himself slipping away, he smiled weakly, happy that he was going to be in heaven soon where you ate and drank frankincense and myrrh and nobody tried to make you eat nasty greens.


He lay in a room that was like his bedroom but with no light, and the walls were a funny light blue and there was no mattress. It felt like he should be cold but he wasn’t. He was wearing a queer plastic coat wrapped like a blanket around him. His eyes were open and he couldn’t close them, which felt funny and he laughed, except he couldn’t laugh because he couldn’t even breathe and he didn’t mind. The nice lady and the ugly man had done strange things earlier, putting big needles (which didn’t hurt!) in his neck and arms and tickly powder on his face, and he’d tried to talk to them but they hadn’t heard him. Now he was resting, thinking happily about the funeral tomorrow which was going to be like a big party, before he went to heaven.

Then there was a squeak, and at first he thought it was a mouse but it went on too long and he realised it was a door opening. A bit of light came in the room and he tried to turn his head to look at it but couldn’t. Someone was coming in! He was suddenly scared. A man leaned over him and he tried to scream but his mouth wouldn’t work. The man was tall, the tallest man he had ever seen, and he had a white face and a huge mouth with no teeth, and no eyes, just empty holes. The man’s tongue came out and was so long that it flicked up against his cheeks. The man lifted a long skinny finger over Oliver’s face and wagged it, and made a sad clicking noise like Mummy used to when he had been naughty.

The Neckrofyle!




Will Oliver escape the clutches of the evil Neckrofyle and find peace in the afterlife? Find out in part two!