The Fishwhacker Swindle?: To Bob

Thursday, April 06, 2006

To Bob

Though some say your music is naught
But a most frightful din,
I’d say, O Bob, to genius
It is far more akin.

Hungbunny calls you Bob ‘The Knob’
But that’s not really fair;
All I dislike, O Bob, ’bout you
’S your rancid facial hair.

Your voice, it’s true, has worn quite thin -
You sound like Eartha Kitt -
And Love And Theft, let’s face it, Bob,
Was pretty f*cking sh*t.

It’s memories, though, that keep the flame
Ablaze within my soul –
Of pillbox hats of leopard skin,
Isis, and stones that roll.

A hetero man am I, and
One who would never turn.
But if I were a girl, O Bob,
How you’d make my nub burn!

I wouldn’t even have to be
A lady with a f**ny;
I think I’d fancy you, dear Bob,
Were I a pre-op tr*nnie.

You’d beckon me with wicked grin,
And where you’d lead, I’d follow;
I’d **** your ****, you’d ***** my ****,
And at the end, I’d sw*l*ow.

Dazed with passion, limp with desire,
My head and heart sent swimming,
We’d **** and ***** and *** and *******
And then move on to ri*m*ng.

Then **** ** ***, and *** in ****,
And ******, and even worse;
O Bob, O Bob, O Bob, O Bob,
I’m running out of verse.

So ignore all the naysayers
And keep on keeping on –
Clapped out and wrinkly though you are,
I’ll miss you when you’re gone.

# posted by Foot Eater @ 7:31 am

Comments:

Only Bob himself could have put it better.

# posted by

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride : 8:32 am

For a long time I thought Leonard Cohen was The Man (a lot of that was to do with the fact that he used to tell me "I'm Your Man" doo-be-doo etc.), then Bob Dylan was The Man again, then both the same and now Bob's ahead by a nose.

# posted by

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride : 2:04 pm

clippity-clap x 10.
That was masterful, it fair brought a tear to my eye.

# posted by

fatmammycat : 6:47 pm

When I was young I hated Bob.
As I grew older I decided I like him.

# posted by

SafeTinspector : 12:42 am

Footie, you've outdone yourself here, so you have.

I weep.

# posted by

Andraste : 4:43 am

brilliant!

Bob would be proud of such prose.

i've never liked that facial hair thing either.. fucking grow a beard or let it go!!

# posted by

sarah : 6:50 am

Footsie, your tribute is quite impressive... Now if only you'd mumbled unintelligibly just a bit, it would have been absolute perfection... nicely done!

# posted by

LindyK : 9:46 am

If there's a platinum record for the most bizarrely compelling tribute to Dylan, it should go to you, Footsie.

# posted by

Desargues : 3:00 pm

Thanks, everyone. Although his heyday was 1965-66, I think he was at his best in the mid-70s, after the breakup of his marriage and when he was drinking heavily (as opposed to doing other drugs). If I could have seen only one live act in history it would have been one of his Rolling Thunder performances from this period.

# posted by

Foot Eater : 5:11 pm

Footsie that was **c***g ****

# posted by

the anti-barney : 6:04 pm

Is he dead yet? Is he is he is he? I' ve got my dancing shoes and a ticket to the graveyard on standby.

# posted by

hungbunny : 10:33 pm

And I'll be waiting with a sniper's rifle to pick you off at the gates, Hungbunny, you uncharitable sod.

# posted by

Foot Eater : 3:41 am