Tuesday, March 14, 2006


This country's going to the dogs

My father was a passionate Arsenal supporter and his greatest ambition was to see his team play Manchester United at Highbury. He died before this could come to pass. I decided to honour his wish by granting it posthumously. So, when events conspired to bring the two titans together at that very stadium, I collected his ashes in a bottle and set off.

At the gate I was stopped by two very rough sorts, who told me I could not bring a glass receptacle into the grounds as it was a potential missile. Not having a suitable plastic container to which I could transfer my father's remains, I had to return home, and his modest desire remains to this day unfulfilled.

What are things coming to when you can't take a bottle of pop to a football match?

Oh, fuck you, Mr Eater. Fuck. You.

I don't fancy a groan at all, and you've inflicted one upon me.


.....clever bastard.
I know, I know. I tried to get my bloody granny into Wimbledon, but they wouldn't let me. Said she'd drip too much and leave unpleasant stickiness underfoot. I HAD been a bit too heavy on the relentless pummelling and merciless bashing that day, so I supppose it was my own fault. Won't make THAT mistake again. It was a shame 'cos we had good seats too, and she loves a bit of tennis, does my granny. Bloody usher. Well, he was later. Chortle.
Footsie, you're sick, but in a good way! HaHa!
Well I think you're being clever and beastly and no good will come of it.
No, I think I'm being remarkably sensitive, Doc. This post was originally going to be a comment on the latest entry on your blog, but I thought it would be in poor taste given the rather touching and heartfelt tone of your post.
It was quite heartfelt wasn't it? I thought that myself.

I'm a big shallow old Hector, I can't resist reeling you in sometimes, you take the bait so readily.
Slap my thigh you funny fucker!
Doc Maroon, perhaps you could employ a discreet code word or phrase next time you come the cunt with me? It would save me no end of embarrassment. Thanks.
Okay, SafeT. If you won't say it, I will.

You are so funny, FE. Macabre too, but mostly funny.
They Think Its All Over joke!
Enjoyed a lot! »
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