Saturday, May 12, 2007


Because that's the kind of person I am

This is a shot of Donald Sutherland as he appears in the final seconds of the 1978 film Invasion of the Body Snatchers, a superior remake of the 1950s Red paranoia sci-fi classic. With this picture I have spoiled the ending of the film for you, if you haven’t seen it yet but had intended to. I hereby reveal a new art form, that of ruining a surprise twist or ending in a film with the use of a single still. One must choose one’s cinematic subjects carefully as by no means all twists are susceptible to this. The revelations in Seven and The Usual Suspects, for example, cannot be communicated using this technique.

Be sure to visit here over the coming weeks when I shall be spoiling your enjoyment of The Wicker Man, Don’t Look Now and The Crying Game, among many others.

Culture being what it is, I've already had the endings of those movies ruined and I'd not even intended to take them in.
I look forward to your experiment, however, to see if the ruination grants me additional despair.

I really hope that's not Donald Sutherland's "O" face.
Although that would explain all that jizz-like substance in the pods.
My husband looked at my belly-button like that shortly after it popped out when I was pregnant. I felt so special all that day.

A glorious new art form, Foots! Long after you boing off this mortal coil, you will be remembered as the father of Ruined Endings, the Slayer of Suspense, and muse to annoying little brothers everywhere who will venerate and adore you and have pictures of you on their pencil-cases. For ars longa* Footie brevis.

*By this I certainly don't mean to imply that the FootEater arse is a long one, although my own grandfather was a Longbotham (he was - that's hardly something you'd make up) and a more splendid fellow you couldn't meet. No. I was, of course, speaking Greek and remarking that, although your body will rot and crumble and suppurate and decay and fester and moulder and rot and putrify and spoil and corrupt and shrivel, your position in the history of the cinamatic arts as a Master of the irritating spoil-sport arts is assured.
I was, of course, speaking Greek

Or, as it's known in English, writing Latin.
It was supposed to be a joke, Mister Philip.

I'm not English. I'm just weary.
Wish you had been doing this when I watched that bloody awful STRAWDOGS. Worst pile of cack ever.
Ooh ooh! I have some suggestions for you! How about Titanic? Or Apollo 13? Or World Trade Centre? They'll never see those endings coming!

Whatever you do, though, don't spoil the ending of Revenge of the Sith... I haven't seen it yet and I really want to know how Anakin saves the day...
"I'm not English. I'm just weary."
Its easy to see how the two can get mixed up in some people's minds.
I was thinking about buying a lottery ticket this week. If you could reveal what numbers are going to turn up in the end, I won't hold it against you.
I have a really bad feeling that it could be his 'sexy face'.
SafeT: not that I want to piss on your parade or anything but this really isn't the beginning of a series.

FS: Shakespeare uses pods somewhere as a synonym for testicles so you're not that far off.

Sam: aaagh! Protruding belly-buttons! La la la, Christmas, ice cream, I'm not listening.

Philip: for the first time ever I think somebody's got one over on you there.

Manuel: I thought it was quite good. And you can't possibly be suggesting that the 'enjoyed rape' scene came as a surprise to you, can you? You need to get out of Torbay, my friend.

Bint: you want to see the limited-release director's R18 cut of ROTS. It climaxes with See-Threepio and Anakin... well, I won't spoil it for you.

that was a shit comment... do better...

SafeT: not very pleasant, I fear. You robots are starting to get uppity.

Kim: I'd prefer you didn't hold anything against me, if you don't mind. That goes for the rest of you too, except you chicks.

FMC: no, you evidently haven't seen the 'did they or didn't they' love scene between him and Julie Christie in Don't Look Now. Now that's eroticism in cinema, and not a wriggling verite private part to be seen either.
It goes back in after the birth. Sigh. The bellybutton, I mean. Sheesh!

Seeing as how the subject's come up - when are you going to do your next erotic story, Mister E? Sparrow and Fmc wanted me to ask, see.
Got one what over my what when where?
The remade body snatchers has Kevin McCarthy in a cameo if my memory serves, I liked the original better.
Not only that, it's got Don Siegel in another cameo. I like both versions about the same, and Abel Ferrara's version set on a military base not much less, though now that the pod people have truly taken over Hollywood I dread to think what any further remakes could be like.
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