Saturday, November 11, 2006


Not filler at all

I'm in a foul mood, so for one post only I'm turning the comments over to gratuitous abuse. Feel free to try and insult me, and rest assured that no matter what you say, my reply will be four times more offensive.

If this doesn't interest you, then fuck off and click on my new links, Kieran and Kav. No, I don't know why they both start with a K either. I suspect they're lovers.

since when was "the man on the Clapham omnibus" your fucking property? I used it in 1981. And don't try and write a new Scrubs, it's been done. As your "memoirs" show, the truth is often funnier, but no one believes you and if you did Latin at school then I'm a Dutchman. Have a drink, might kill that bug that's up your ass.
What is it about this November? Eveyone's in a pissy mood, including me, and I am usually sweetness and light once fall hits and the Goddamned elections are over.

I'm too grouchy today to be arsed insulting you. Ever since I've had this sinus infection my brain has gone to mush and I've become dyslexic and can't spell anything, and that fucking toddler of mine has been up nights and has been a real little shit, and I'm seriously rethinking my policy of not beating children, because he's fucking well asking for it.

If anyone needs anyone else killed, let me know, because I need some release and I'm far too violent for sex at this point.

This is just one of your mind fuck games, you can't fool me with your big words and superiority complex, you just want to be loved and accepted by those you scorn and trample upon, the cycle of abuse Mr Eater is not the thing you ride to work on.I will not join in with your petty little games as I am above all of that so fuck off you unnatural sheep shagging Welsh cunt with the bedside manner of Harold Shippman.
So how was your day?
Maroon: I'd have a drink but I've already flossed tonight. With your mother's pubic hair.

Fat Sparrow: you know of course that FAT SPARROW is an acronym for Frenzied Addiction To Sex Produces A Rampantly Randy Old Witch.

Knudsen: your oxymoronic juxtaposition of 'unnatural' and 'sheep shagging Welsh cunt' shows that both your grasp of English and your understanding of your fellow Celts are on the level of the amphibian.

I must say the insults so far are pretty piss-poor, so fuck off back to the drawing board, the lot of you.
Insults in the form of name calling will do little to upset you, indeed they will give you a sense of being important. Like the child that will behave badly because even an angry parent is still giving them attention, so you crave a desperate need to feel that your existence in this world has any impact on anything. Your deep sense of loneliness and insecurity makes you feel that if you can't have the respect you crave so powerfully, then at least the vile outpourings of others validate your very existence.

Swear words will never get under your skin in the way that a revealed truth will.

And the worst insult of all would just be to ignore you.

Oh... I was a bit too late working that one out...
Poor old thing, aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem.
"the cycle of abuse Mr Eater is not the thing you ride to work on"

That one got a laugh, Knudsen.

"Fat Sparrow: you know of course that FAT SPARROW is an acronym for Frenzied Addiction To Sex Produces A Rampantly Randy Old Witch."

Damn you, Footie, you have uncovered my secret! (shakes fist)
Ayres: the 'revealed truth' about you is that there's something deeply tragic about a person who comments on a blog when he knows a priori that he's going to be abused. In your pathetic scramble to achieve respect by being the most insulting, you reveal your ego to be as fragile as the Republican hold on power.

Cat: hiding your insult by writing it in Irish is not allowed. Come back when you're ready to look me in the eye.

Sparrow: when you've finished blowing Knudsen for his thigh-slapping sense of humour, perhaps you'd apologise for using a pathetic 'swear' word like damn on my blog.

You people. I really don't know why I bother.
I've always loved you.
This reminds me of the Foot Eater of old (way, way back in... 2005), with the "come'n hava go ifya thinkyer hardinuff" attitude.

Is this a back-to-basics approach or a midlife crisis?
Now that's what I call insulting.

On the plus side, you're a Sopranos fan, but that's more than cancelled out by your gay name and the fact that you're secretly Robbie Williams's anal bitch.
That was directed at Hungbunny, by the way, but Ayres seems to have slipped in ahead.

Considering you're years older than me I don't think you're one to be talking about midlife crises, gramps.

Come on, people, step it up a bit. I can feel my mood improving and before long I'll be back to my usual charming self, so let's enjoy this while we can.
typical upper class toff, you've decided there has to be logic and knowledge behind the insults of the working class, this shows you to be an out of touch elitist,living in a bubble enjoying his own farts, you still shag sheep you cunt and they stand there all bored and say"well are you done then boyo?" and you say,"what? you still can't feel anything?" hence the anger in your blog.
You aspire to be me.
bite me, ya lumpy faced incontinent, IMPOTENT, fuck nuts of a fuck up. about you is the noxious fumes of drooling idiocy and flatulence.

gah. too tired for this shite.
Why the fuck haven't you cleaned up the shite I left for you in your blog? And what the fuck - ?

Oh, I see. Fucking hell, that's disgusting.

Your name henceforth is shit eater.
Ummm....? You smell.... you big poopy poop-breath!

Oh, bugger... I'm never any good at this when actually requested to be!

By the way, isn't FMC's comment in Latin, rather than Irish?
Yer a crabbit wee bastard, Cock-eater, I ken yer jus' tryin' tae create a bourach f' yer ain amusement... Why d'ye need tae be cravin' the laldie sae much anyhow? Nuthin' but wank material f' ye, aye? Admit it, ah'm right on the button! And as f' yer "witty retorts", my granny's got mair bite even when her falsies are oot! Ye fuckin' jessie!
Are you wanking to these comments Mr Eater ? ah ya dirty wee sick sick man.
Knudsen: you again? When they circumcised you they threw away the valuable part.

Taihae: impotent? Your mother's been talking, hasn't she?

Kav: au contraire, my chav friend. You lot who lap up this crap are the true shit eaters.

McShae: you do know of course that BINTY MCSHAE stands for Buggery Is Not This Young Man's Cuppa; Swallowing He Always Enjoys.

Barbintyo: I won't dignify that with an answer as I'm not in the habit of talking to imaginary beings, except to say fuck off.
"Sparrow: when you've finished blowing Knudsen for his thigh-slapping sense of humour, perhaps you'd apologise for using a pathetic 'swear' word like damn on my blog."

I don't blow Knudsen for his humour, I blow him for twenties. Of course I'd charge less for you, as I go by size.

And "damn" is the correct epithet to use when you are involved in fist-shaking. On the other hand, if I shove my fist up your hole, after you have used the safety word, then I may apologize. Or not.

Doc said: "if you did Latin at school then I'm a Dutchman"

I heard he did plenty of Latins at school.
Thanks, everybody, I feel loads better now.
I knew you'd call it as soon as I got warmed up.

Why, yes, if you're offering.
Late, but I'll try:

You're not supposed to have intercourse with the dead horsemeat prior to eating it, but trust Foot Eater to break the cardinal rule and end up with his urethra stuffed with rancid horseflesh. Even so, it'd be excusable if he hadn't washed it down with American light beer. Conspicuous consumption, thy name is Foot Eater, who wastes his filthy lucre on a pint of water which appears to have been pissed upon.

What? You've switched to a low-carb Frankenbeer? My colon aches when I look at your typeface, reprobate vulture that you are.

Look at me! Its a shame I've got to suffer this flaccidity, but that's the price I pay for hanging out with someone so singularly uninspiring. Inspiring blogmates give me a raging hard-on, but you retract my landing gear each and every time I try to muscle my way past one of your inappropriate comparisons, mixed metaphors or yet another repeated use of the word "just" as an adverb.
dmdddddddddd... wha? Oh, sorry.
I can tell by the way I fell asleep writing that last sentence that I must've left my web browser on Fishwhacker Swindle again. They tell me its an anagram, but I've never figured out how to rearrange the letters to spell "pretentious limy dick head." I'd ask him for help, but I hear his boggle jar cracked right in half last time he wrote an essay.

I guess that'll do. I brace myself for retribution.
Nice try, SafeT, but as you say, too late. Sticks and stones, etc.

There's an e in limey, by the way.
Ah, I am the failure!
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